19 Dec Eva and Gus: Soul Letters Part VIII

Final Entry; Entry 4—

Angelic

            I used to paint Gus a lot, I would make him sit or stand for hours until I got every crack and crevice of his body correct. I enjoyed painting him because I felt it would be the only way that I could truly keep him, as a memory. Memories are really all he ever gave me, enjoyable ones but most especially painful ones, because he was always so stubborn. So fucking stubborn.

            “I don’t know what I am doing with my future.”

            Exactly how did that have anything to do with our relationship? His career? How did that relate to us being together? I wouldn’t give a shit in the world; I would love him even if he were homeless, because I would still have so much love to give.

            But how much can one really give before it just becomes too much? All I ever really wanted from him was to know that he loved me back, I know he did but… he never said it.

            Eventually, I’ll push him away and find someone who actually really wants to be with me, and I will be able to reciprocate. I’ve hurt so many men because I could never truly feel the way that they felt for me. In the end, we’re all peas of the same pod.

            Except when it came to Gus… he was my other half.

            But he was the one who really needed me; he just never wanted to admit it.