19 Dec Eva and Gus: Soul Letters Part V

Entry 3—

Stiff

            My back has been sore for most of the weekend. It hurts but I won’t fight it, the exercises are befitting, challenging, and entitling. They were what I worked for and now I’m here. I stood her up so many times, just to go to the gym.

            “Going to the gym is one of the only things that does not make me feel like a loser.” I told her through a text with a scowl on my face.

            I don’t think she ever felt that way about me… And I still can’t seem to understand why she persisted on sticking around.

            “I want my efforts to be noticed too.”

            She made me cry that night. For the first time in a very long time, I cried.

            “Now you know how it feels.” She replied harshly.

            She had always assumed I was out somewhere with someone else, but who would blame her? We weren’t together, yet we still continued to see each other. So I get it now, she was a nice girl but I could never fully reciprocate the feelings she had for me.

            “I know you’ll never love me.” She would say this whenever we fought.

            “That’s not true.” I would only ever tell her this once.

            No matter how hard she resisted she could never help but to continually fawn over me. I’ll still never understand why she put up with my shit.